Life is fine, life goes on, and life is happy.

It all hit me when I allowed entrance, and together with it, weakness.

I had swore to myself, that I will keep up the front, that I will not be the weak one, that I will not be hurt if you're not. I did not expect happiness to emanate.

For once today, I really paid attention to the song playing, and its lyrics.

I want to feel angry. Let the rage pulse through and burn, incense myself, or something. I want to demand explanation, a voluntary one if it is possible. Yet I know, they are not the passage to your heart. I had never been in that passage, and I am not getting directions now.

I took a deep breath.

Maybe I did not read the signs. Heaven knows, God might have dropped a few hints, but I didn't notice. I did not read into the lines, nor did I thought that I needed to. I thought openness and honesty were virtues of our correspondence; I look stupid now. A heavier dosage was needed to make me realise, and your saying that you're happy and life is fine certainly hit its target. We did not talk, no, that was between you and him. I would rather you not telling me now. You did not seem to be lying to him either, nor were you being casual and careless. It was just the plain truth: life is fine, life goes on, and life is happy.

It is so easy to lose sight of one's value. I overpriced myself. My ego, now dust, blinded me.

I still think some blame should accrue themselves to you though. Even if you do not feel them. You are still young, fresh out of school, not even knowing what and how to go about your life. I have made myself clear enough, and you heard me. I did not leave it to you to make out ambiguity, but certainly, I did not expect to have them returned to me in such blatant fashion.

You should have known what to say, especially when I did not press for a hasty answer. Your replies are given time. Not thinking about the matter does not help to solve the matter. I was being too noble, too big, and you did not comprehend. God works through people to get His work done, dear. Things won't work out if they are not His will, and that will be the time we know. I know, now.

The damage is but collateral. I did not allow the problem to grow, or God didn't. Maybe in your perception, I am still the good guy who's doing well and happy, too busy to call, but still a friend. We're still friends. You're still waiting for him, same place and all.

Things are better this way I guess. The distance will serve as the cushion between everything else, anything sappy and whatnot. I kept my promise to you, and the distance is helping me. Keeping everything in check and balancing the scale of hearts.

God bless you. Remember to sleep early every night.